The Beginning of the End

I love the line "and here at the end of all things", always have. Its hard to understand right now that I only have one short week left here in heart butte. I am rested right now- i have slept enough- kindof at the expense of talking to any of my friends. But even that seems ok at this point.

There are so many things i didnt do this summer. So many people i didnt make time to call. If i look at it long enough it feels like a failure. And im not sure what this summer was for me. It did not feel much like a success most of the time.

And yet if i really look at it- it was. Because plain and simple- its not about how good my talks are, or about how bad i skrewed up at inventory, or how i didnt prepare club well enough to suit the rest of everyone, exct. its not about me at all.

And its not about the youth and how much fun they had here, or what they give us on the evaluations- as much as it feels like its all about the adult leaders sometimes- bless the Lord its not!

So what was this all about? Micah 6:8, broken hearts, open eyes, and love- over abounding love that people need!!! So many children in Heart Butte see only one on one attention here at kidsclub, elders get loved on and served by groups coming and painting and hanging out. It is short term, i just have to hope that it has a lasting effect if we are able to stay on the reservation for years to come.

And now i am so ready to go home. And at the same time it will be strainge to not be here. I dont want to abandon these kids- and it feels a lot like abandonment. Its not fair! you lay down roots, build relationships, grow to love people, and then leave! Oh i have done so much whining on this blog- now i wish i could go back and give more story- more getting it right this time. this summer has been amazing.