I Flu

What an amazing week!

God has shown me grace in ways i never expected to need it.

Maybe thats the point though...

And after even the Flu outbreak at our site (which my Site Director and i both got sick from), the consinsous for the week was still that God was amazing, the week was life chainging, and we as a staff were blessed!

My friend who commented on my last blog was right though-

I have never shared my faith so much, or lived my faith this intensely, or served God in this capacity. I am pouring out more than ever, i need more time with God to fill me up. And no matter what- cant seem to get full enough.

But this desperation is beautiful. And i say that because it has made me more alive than ever

Process...

In the .4 seconds that i have- I am going to process a bit of this week- forgive the add, it will probably come out. But we are almost done with our second week of programming- after this only 5 more weeks here- and 4 with groups. I am tired at the thought of that- and energized- and very sad! I dont want to leave. Seems crazy i want home and friends and family so much, and at the same time im frusterated because i feel like i havent gotten to know anyone in the community really well. GRRR. I want to just go and start talking- there is one family here that we have spent time with and will spend more time with. They are going to take our staff up on Heart Butte mountian- to see the Chiefs. (its a long story but heart butte is a very sprirtual place) Anyway, so i am not sure how to better put myself out there exept to just get the heck out of this schoolbuilding!

One thing that makes it tough is that often i feel intrusive on their culture and community.

Which in a way we are... in a way we are here to help and share Christ... but how effective is a three month stent in a place where all we do is what we can??? Is that really all we are called to do? ...who is this "we"

"Working with us" Thats what Jo's family says. And i love it :) (Jo is the one who is going to take us up on the mountian) "We honor you because you give up a summer to come and work with us..."

And i feel like crap when they say we give up anything. I have had everything to gain!!! A beautiful understanding of God (that i would never have even come close to at home) Personal growth beyond my wildest dreams- A short time in some amazingly breathtaking country! Dude! i gave up nothing compared to the blessing it has already been to be here! And i wonder if i will be redy to come home.

homesick

so the youth that are here are totally amazing- and being with and around them has brought me so much joy- almost selfishly i would love to see, with my own eyes, the work that God is doing in their hearts. And then i dont always- but i give all i have, and hope God takes it and runns with it! In fact i know he does- he has this strange habbit of salvaging every mess i make here- like last night. It was just pathetic on my part- my meal, a cookout, and i forgot probably 5 main things! Blah- but there ended up being plenty, and everyone had a wonderful time, and God used it- in spite of me, used me in spite of myself. Our God is big. ...:)

this is how i am- conflicted, frusterated, and excited all at the same time...TIRED. And now i get to ride down into town and paint. I love the bike rides- this country is amazing. Just sucks getting back up the hill.

That wasnt really about this week but im out of time. Peace

Its Been a Month!

Where to start... I dont have a way to tell you a five minute summary of what is going on in my life- or how i react and interact in Montana- live on the rez (reservation) or being consistantly on my own. No five minutes or four hours could tell. And truth is yall (unless you have done this) wont really ever be able to get it. But sence i need to write or i just might burst Im going to clip and paste a collage, if you will, of moments that have altered my life in the last month.

Im in a town called Heart Butte, in Montana, on the Blackfeet rez. Its cold. and i didnt start my summer out here- nope it all began with training in Denver, (one of the most unsettiling weeks of my life- if not the) From there we (my team Jess, and Austin, and Josh- the site director) came up to the Crow reservation then to heart butte then back to crow for a week, now we are in heart butte to stay for the next two months. Our first group has come and gone, and all i have for that is a tired smile and a feeling of lonleyness. Im glad to have tomorrow (well today) off! It will be good for me to just be. Jes and I will probably go kyaking which will be good for us cause we need some time to just talk and be friends outside of youthworks! She is such a sweetheart and so different from me its amazing- God is challenging both of us but this relationship is already rewarding beyond belief! And anyway she is my first official roommate! (do i sound like a stinkin freshman yet? haha)

You know as buisy and tired and scared and unprepared as i have been so far- God has shown up more real and alive and powerful than ever before in my life! It took me being away from all i knew and all i was safe in to realize that God is not only enough and wants to be my everything- he is going to do what ever it takes to win my heart the moment i turn myself over to him. And for me that means living here serving and literally being honored to do both. I am loved. ...wow

The mountians are magnificient and the sky is amazing- and the air is so crisp and fresh... i miss the salt. I miss the beach! But really i dont mind the land, its cool but not unbearable (exept for when we went camping) We went camping in glacier national park! And by glacier i mean the frozen barren wasteland..ha no It was amazing! The site staff from Yackhama Washington came over and we went and hiked around cought fish! and ate them along with things i swear i will never eat again. Camp food tasets so good when you are eating it cause your ravinous, but when you think "well i just ate a bunch of buttergrease and sausage, trout onions and peanutts all stirred up together- with a side of trail mix and gummey bears.... oh i feel sick thinking about it. But as funny as that is- we had a snowball fight on the side of the mountian. A real fight. we all froze our hands and slid all over the slush. 7 people going at it like 6year olds. It was glorious... till the sun went down and then we froze until 5 am when our area director (whom i dearly love) finally got it through her head that, no , it was not going to get any warmer while its dark! we endured 35is temps in a pup tent with nothing but a rain fly to keep the mountian wind out.

And when she reads this she is going to want to smack me- but she cant cause she's not here! haha! You know its amazing to me how God brought me here- he used my area director (who interviewed me in december) to get me here. Its a great story. I like it cause she just knew that God wanted me here- and as inexpieranced as i am, she wanted to give me a shot, took a risk and here i am! We are scary alike. And its such an amazing blessing to know her and have had her around almost constantly sence training- she has spent alot of time with our staff (cause were just cool like that) but now ittl be a month before she is back. but its cool- a new friendship :) one that already means a lot to me.


I miss home- my friends... my bed. I miss driving (they dont let me here) But mostly family and friends. I miss them so much sometimes, other times its like a dull ache, and then i forget for about 4 hours. Then back to wishing i was in Florida, 5 minutes to 5.5 hours away from everyone that i could possibally want to see. But my team is wonderful- and as tough as it getts sometimes i really do enjoy all the laughs and struggels and dude! jsut walking with them!

End Scene